Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
