i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
