Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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