you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
