Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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