She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
