So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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