In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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