My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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