she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
