Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think my fart just growled at me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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