he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He has the fingertips of a God
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