hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
