I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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