love makes seman taste better
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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