You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
