so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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