you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This house was built for laser tag.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
