my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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