You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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