Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
