@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
