The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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