My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
