I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
