I heard we made out
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
