Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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