Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
