Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
