Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
