i need an iv and a liver transplant
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I currently don't understand fingers.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize