too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
