You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
