last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
