How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How naked do you want me to be?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
