I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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