"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
