I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
