he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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