He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
