Whod you bang
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
youre lurking in front of me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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