I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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