Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
