You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
