Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
