She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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