my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.