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• (661): View more from California

  i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.

  (509): View more from Washington

  Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (925): View more from California

  I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.

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• (716): View more from New York

  He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that

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