Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning

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(586): i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning http://tfl.nu/zcz6

Replies (33) Good night (3199) Bad night (842)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.

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(440): I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew. http://tfl.nu/1ouh

Replies (19) Good night (4956) Bad night (701)
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(941): View more from Florida

I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

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(941): I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever. http://tfl.nu/ukm2

Replies (11) Good night (5146) Bad night (1120)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.

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(778): We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's. http://tfl.nu/nlsl

Replies (12) Good night (2991) Bad night (1122)
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(416): View more from Toronto

He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.

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(416): He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex. http://tfl.nu/exbo

Replies (24) Good night (4344) Bad night (1151)
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(773): View more from Illinois

That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper

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(773): That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper http://tfl.nu/zcg4

Replies (3) Good night (1984) Bad night (821)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?

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(575): Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night? http://tfl.nu/drd1

Replies (9) Good night (3403) Bad night (778)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.

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(662): I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs. http://tfl.nu/zjd4

Replies (5) Good night (2171) Bad night (1042)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

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(+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz

Replies (25) Good night (6325) Bad night (1459)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.

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(443): Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion. http://tfl.nu/xb4s

Replies (7) Good night (1240) Bad night (2582)
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(519): View more from Ontario

If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.

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(519): If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving. http://tfl.nu/lmm0

Replies (10) Good night (1181) Bad night (902)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.

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(724): I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout. http://tfl.nu/bypz

Replies (3) Good night (932) Bad night (434)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.

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(901): he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there. http://tfl.nu/fd7u

Replies (1) Good night (570) Bad night (413)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with

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(609): this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with http://tfl.nu/msu7

Replies (0) Good night (445) Bad night (513)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Bjs and tacos. That's my life.

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(603): Bjs and tacos. That's my life. http://tfl.nu/p631

Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (196)

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