so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
