I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.