.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..