when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.