Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize