Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
