I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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