Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
