Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
