she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
