Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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