Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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