they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
