I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
