(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
