yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
