I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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