He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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