she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
