you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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