I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......