All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.