When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.