Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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