Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.