u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing