i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
