took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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