If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
