Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
