So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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